


Talking Under the Covers (If Only You'd Let Me)

by last_angel



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M, Reunion, Short one sided beating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-30
Updated: 2014-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-15 10:05:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2224992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/last_angel/pseuds/last_angel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gon and Killua finally reunite though it's not going exactly how Gon had hoped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talking Under the Covers (If Only You'd Let Me)

**Author's Note:**

> Again 3 a.m. writing (this time it extended to 5 a.m.). I had attempted to write fluff but the world was against it so I went for a bit of a more angsty tone though there's no true angst.
> 
> I'm sorry if it seems random I was honestly falling asleep and only read over it like twice.
> 
> This fic was initially inspired by Whitney Huston's "I have nothing" but it soon got mixed up with Demi Lovato's "Shut up and love me" and ended up as I don't know what you call this...yeah.

After three years apart Gon had thought they’d be able fall back into pace. Three years seemed like enough time for a heart to heal, for the mind to blur and forget, for the body to breathe again but it turns out maybe he was wrong. Two weeks, they’d already been together for two weeks and they’d hardly spoken a word to each other. The air was tense and Killua wouldn’t look at him in the eye. Whenever they were together he looked sad or he’d stare off into the distance barely acknowledging Gon’s presence.

When they’d reunited they had been surrounded by friends and Killua had greeted him like normal: with a playful punch in the arm, a snarky remark and a crooked smile. It had been a wonderful three hours. Everyone hugged him and ruffled his hair wanting to have a moment with him but Gon respectfully declined every invitation and stuck close to Killua avoiding having to stray too far from him. Killua had seemed fine with it. Gon could have sworn Killua had even seemed to lean slightly towards him but once they were alone his attitude changed completely. To say that Killua couldn’t even stay in the same room as him for more than five minutes was enough to give an idea of just how bad things were.

At first Gon had thought maybe something else was bothering him not quite wanting to think that he was the cause of Killua’s discomfort. Soon it was made clear ( _very_ clear) that he hadn’t been forgiven yet. Gon gave Killua his space after that, helping by staying out of his way as much as possible. It was painful; he wanted to be with Killua. To see his bright blue eyes, rosy pink lips, his pale skin being tinted pink with embarrassment. He wanted to feel the coolness of his skin and smell the sweetness of his body. But Killua didn’t want to see Gon. He couldn’t ,because what he saw wasn’t Gon, his friend. What Killua saw was the shadow of the monster that destroyed their friendship and crushed his heart.

“Killua...are you asleep?”

Gon whispered opening the door just enough to be able to take a peek inside. He could see Killua’s snow-white hair in the darkness and the small frame of his body under the covers. Killua didn’t stir but Gon knew he was awake.

“Killua.”

“I’m awake.”

The response was short but Gon could feel the coolness in his voice. It wasn’t welcoming but he wasn’t kicking him out either so Gon took the liberty of walking in.

“Can I- can I sleep with you?”

Killua breathed out a heavy sigh and turned his head slightly in his direction.

“What are you four? Go count sheep or something.”

Killua pulled the covers closer to himself and Gon pouted in the darkness but pressed on walking closer towards the bed.

“Four and a half actually. So can I?”

The seconds ticked by but Killua didn’t reply. Gon’s skin was crawling with hesitation and anxiety, feelings he wasn’t accustomed to feeling. It felt gross but there was something he wanted. He’d given Killua his space, abiding by his wishes, now it was time for him to be heard.

“No.”

Killua answered back, finally, tucking himself into a small ball. Gon huffed and crawled in anyway. Killua sat up looking at him exasperated by his audacity.

“I said no! Gon!”

“I don’t care I want to sleep with you.”

“But I don’t! Now get out this is my room.” He pushed Gon trying to force him out. “I’m not fucking kidding with you. You are not sleeping here.”

Capturing Killua’s wrists in his hands Gon rolled him over until he was on top of him, effectively pinning him down.

“Then come to my room.”

“No. Get off of me.”

“Fine, then I’ll take you.”

A shock of fear ran through Gon when Killua’s deadly glare was suddenly directed at him. It made him shiver and his blood run cold but his lips couldn’t help but curl into a taunting smile.

“Come with me. I just want to talk.”

“You have a shitty way of asking for a talk.”

“You wouldn’t have given me a chance if I asked normally.”

He could feel Killua relax under his grip, signaling to let him go. Gon did after a few heartbeats, once he was sure he wouldn’t try to run away. Killua rubbed his temples looking much too worn and tired for an eighteen year old. He sighed, his voice sounding much older as well.

“So what did you want to talk about?”

Gon’s mind drew a blank. He blinked feeling lost at the words. He’d been thinking of this for days, writing out his little speech in used napkins and old maps. He’d even practiced rehearsing in front of a mirror while brushing his teeth, and while he was in the shower, but all that time disappeared now, at the most crucial moment.

“Um, well...” he started feeling his throat run dry. His eyes flickered away from Killua. He felt vulnerable, like a child. His palms felt sweaty and the room was suddenly much too hot. Killua’s gaze burned into him as he waited for an answer. “W-well I...I just wanted to ask you...”

Another sigh.

“I’m not avoiding you.”

Gon raised his head but Killua was looking down at the sheets.

“Well, I am, but...but I’m not mad.” Gon watched Killua’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. Killua’s voice was soft but firm. Mature, like he’d always been. “Look, I want to make this work alright. Honest I do, but I still need...time.”

Killua played with the covers plucking the stitching and unraveling a lose thread. Gon stayed silent watching him do so. He leaned forward noticing how Killua’s fingers flinched missing a few beats.

“I’m sorry.”

The pales fingers stopped, blue eyes focusing on the raven black hair trying to meet the bright golden-brown eyes that were once so uplifting and precious to him. And they still were. Gon smiled softly now being the one to pluck at the poor unwoven stitching.

“I can’t change. I won’t change for you or anyone.”

Gon could hear Killua draw in a sharp breath and he could hear the anger in the small gesture. " _Unbelievable"_ , he hears Killua say under his breath. The pale boy threw the covers and flung his legs over the side of the bed ready to storm off. Quickly Gon held him by the wrist, preventing him from leaving.

“There are parts of myself that are just engraved in me and changing them would mean I would stop being myself. I can’t do that. Not even for you."

His golden-brown eyes were hard and determined making Killua pause for a moment. Blue eyes look towards the door and back at the dangerously mature eyes looking straight at him.

“So what are you saying? What do you want from me?”

Killua mentally curses himself, hating how fragile his voice sounds, quivering and hesitant. Unsure. His eyes searched Gon’s for an answer but he found none.

“I want you. All of you.”

 _Bastard_ , Killua thinks. “You can’t-“

“Go out with me.” Gon cuts him off.

“No.”

“Go out with me.” He insists.

“No.”

“I love-“

The attack was too fast and unexpected for Gon to dodge, not that he would have even if it had been otherwise. He was thrown back hitting his head against the headboard. He knew he deserved it and he didn’t mind. Not if it made Killua feel better, even if only a little.

“DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO PULL THAT SHIT WITH ME AGAIN!”

“I love you.”

Killua grabbed him roughly by the shirt and threw him across the room knowing full well Gon was letting him. Gon crashed into a small coffee table in the corner breaking it in half.

The tanned boy groaned quietly getting back on his feet.

“I...love you.”

A kick to the gut.

“I love you.”

Blow to the head.

“I love you.”

_STOP IT!_

_STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!!_

**_SHUT UP!_ **

Killua’s tears rolled silently down his cheeks as he repeatedly hit Gon time after time until his skin began to tear, bleed and sting just as much as his eyes. He hit Gon 98 times before falling to his knees and burying his head in his hands.

“Stop it... _please_!”

Gon lay panting and beaten near the nightstand, shards of the recently broken lamp jabbing into his sides. He took a moment to regain his breath, the feeling of ache and pain slowly staring to sink in. Killua’s tears hurt him more than his broken body. Each chocked back sob stabbing into him like daggers.

“I missed you, while we were apart. Not at first, I’ll admit. I never thought I’d be away from you this long. I thought I’d go back to Whale Island and rest up a bit. Catch up with Mito-san. I’d lost my Nen, I was no help to anyone in that state.

Time passed and slowly I was able to regain my strength. I went on missions with Ging and met up with Leorio and Kurapika but I could never find you. No one knew where you where, where you’d been or where you were going. All they knew was that you were keeping your sister safe from your family. When Palm told me you’d left Alluka in her care almost a year ago I got mad, especially after I found out you had been sending everyone letters and calling them from time to time, letting them know you were alright.

Everyone except me.

I was hurt and I couldn’t help but be mad at you because I knew this was a form of payback. And I know I deserve it. ‘ _You’re now second place’_ you’d told me before leaving. I didn’t know what you meant thinking it was only a childish remark said out of spite. Then I started to wonder what you’d _really_ meant. I felt a lot lower and worthless than second,” he laughed humorlessly. Killua remained silent, only the sound of his uneven breathing filling the room. Gon saw this as a sign to continue.

“So I stopped searching for you wanting to somehow get back at you but even after I disappeared you didn’t seem to care. I got scolded by everyone except the one I’d been wanting to see the most. Before I knew it three years had past and I hadn’t heard a single word from you. Then Leorio told me about a reunion party you’d agreed to attend and helped me crash it.

I had though of punching you the moment I saw you. To demand why you’d been ignoring me but instead I had this huge urge to kiss you. Maybe I should have. Being considerate of you has caused me a lot more headaches than just doing what I want.”

“I would have killed you if you’d dared.” Killua hissed. “Though I wouldn’t have been surprised. You’ve always been a selfish prick.”

_Kiss me? Of course you would have, for your own amusement. Because you’d ‘felt like it’ at the time. You would have never stopped to consider what your actions did to me._

Gon laughed, honestly, wincing and tearing up a little from the pain it caused him. “Yet you fell in love with this selfish prick.”

“Who ever said I was in love with you?”

“You did, with your eyes, with your mouth, with your fists. I realized it when I understood my own feelings. I remembered the way you used to look at me. How you’d get furious when I got hurt, far too much for a simple friend. When you stopped doing all this when we were reunited. I understood then, though I know it took me way too long.”

“You keep speaking in past tense. What about now?”

_Idiot, what are you asking?!_

Gon turned to look at Killua feeling his body scream in protest but the blue eyes looking at him expectantly (vulnerable) silenced the pain immediately. He looked at his bloodied hand and smiled fondly.

“I feared it would remain in the past but now I’m feeling more loved than ever.”

“I think you mean hated.”

“No, you would have just walked out if you hated me. From the moment I walked into the party.”

_And why would I have to be the one to leave? That’s **your** specialty._

Shards of broken glass snapped under Killua’s feet cutting into him but they were nothing compared to the pain he’d been through before. What he’d carried in all these years. Though the distance between them was short his feet were already red with blood by the time he reached Gon. This was exactly what it’d felt like when he’d had to walk away only the shards had stabbed his heart back then.

“What do you want, really? Why tell me this now? It’s been three years almost four. You come into my life wrecking everything like always only to make a statement. To say that you love me? What do you expect by telling me this?”

“You already did a lot more than I was expecting. I thought you’d beat me up a lot sooner honestly. You’re far too soft on me. You always have been.”

“I can beat you up now. Trusts me this is nothing compared to what I’ve dreamt of doing to you.”

“I’ve also dreamt of doing _plenty_ of things to you.” _With you._

That last remark earned him a smack in the face.

“I’m not kidding, Gon.” The islander shuddered feeling sharp claws drag across his shirt teasingly coming to rest over his hear. “You know what type of person I am. I may be ‘soft’ as you say but like you said, there’s a part of me that simply can’t be changed, no matter how hard I try.

You’re right I still love you. I always have and I’m fucking cursed to always do.

I _want_ you and I have ways of keeping you tied to me, so that you never leave me again.”

Red droplets formed at his fingertips.

“You can if you want. I already agreed to give myself to you.”

The claws retracted.

“I hate you.”

Gon smiled. “I know.”

“I really fucking hate you.” Killua hissed feeling his eyes starting to sting again.

“Yeah.”

“ _Why_ did you come back? I was finally fine without you. I’d managed to move on!”

“Because I’m a selfish prick and I didn’t want you to.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you,” _Ninety-nine_. “, and I want you.”

Killua smirked, deadly, annoyed and amused “Fucking smart ass.” He laughed roughly capturing Gon’s lips with his. Tears rolled down his face and he could taste the saltiness in his tongue.

Gon smiled into the kiss, his bloodied hand leaving red smears in the snow-white hair. “Can I have you?” He breathed.

“Shut up.”

“Not until you answer me.”

Killua huffed and licked his lips looking like a cat who’d been interrupted from his meal. He eyed Gon contemplating. The pale boy leaned closer brushing his lips against Gon’s ear.

“You’ve always had me.”

It was a whisper but the words rang loud and clear through Gon’s body.

**________________________________________________________**

“I love you.”

Their bodies said as they entangled themselves in the sheets that night.

**Author's Note:**

> Hahah, omg, the formatting had been kinda off. It's fixed now.


End file.
